1 John 3:18

First of all: Merry Christmas

Now its time to look at an unrelated bible scripture...

1 John 3:18: Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Isn't that the truth? This is not just meant for children, but also for adults. I've been lied to before, and let me tell you what, nothing hurts worse then when someone tells you they love you, and then when it comes down to it, doesn't really. I mean, ACTUALLY believing that they love you, and that you love them. Well, I hate to be the downer who says this, but love? There isn't love. Why do I need to trust my heart in the hands of someone who lies to me, who themselves they have fooled into thinking they truly care, but don't when it comes down to it. It breaks my heart when I see this happening...because I've been there. Every day there seems to be less and less good about humanity, more and more bad. It really makes me sad seeing it like this. How people can just be morons...just be...idiots! True love. Two words that you think you know sometimes...but you don't really. Anyone can say "I love you." but I ask you to show me one person who is willing to show it when it comes down to it. Maybe there are people who are in "true love", but I'm yet to see anyone who really gives a damn in my generation! How can we ignore the signs? We are not our parents, for they truly love each other, we are our parents parents who married off not due to love, but due to there parents! Sometimes I feel sick at todays teenagers. They who know not love when children will surly not know love when they are adults. Yes, I'm blaming this on your parents. I don't know, I only know a small number of the teenage population, but they don't care about love. They don't care about each other. When my sister was dating Levi I was sure, and still am, that if it came down to it, he'd rather have a fuck doll then save Haley's life. How can people lie threw there teeth!? You don't love him, you don't love her! You don't know what love is!!!!! Knowing what love is changes you so much. You know what friendship is, you know what kinship is, and you know what love is. Some will say love is an emotion, which is true. Others will say love is a word, which is also true, but love? Love isn't a word or a feeling. Love is something you do. Love is more like riding a bike then it is writing a letter. I sit here writing in a moment of clarity and pain. I might have lost someone I love. Love. I know what it is. I've let it slip threw my fingers...but I'm sure soon that I'll find someone new, and forget all about him...or maybe not. Maybe no one really knows what love is, maybe the universe controls love. You're going to be put with who you are anyway you stack it. Maybe you'll date this person, and then they'll leave you or vice versa. But if you truly love them, don't give up. Never forget. Never forget the feelings they made you have, never forget how amazing people can be. Life...I've lost faith in it once in a while, but other times, its so beautiful, if you just slow down and look around. Now as I write this, my eyes are wet with tears. My heart is flooded with sorrow and pain...and a strange since of happiness. What a mix of emotions, don't you think? Its 3:03 Christmas morning, my family is snug in there beds, they don't know my pain and sorrow. Tomorrow is just another Christmas to them, as another year passes by. 2009 has been so amazing, huh? I've grown up so much this year...I've found who I am. I've came to grips with liking guys, My grandparents have found out, my mother was put in jail in 2008, and it was the first time i saw her in over a year. I've met someone I equate to my Tiger Woods, he's a great friend...just is doing everything with a hole...and if it doesn't have one, he makes one. I've gotten a crush on people, been in love triangles, been single, lost friends, gained friends, became much more daring...just so many things.

A letter to my ex mate, Justin, who I've posted many times about before...

I looked up into the air today, and took in the clouds like you always wanted me to. Its been a while from when you last said I'll love you forever. I guess it was all for the best. I told myself that by this time I'd have moved on, but alas, I haven't. People say two males CANNOT love one another, even though I've poured my life out again. I'm sorry I hurt you hun. I really am. What was I thinking? If it weren't for me you'd still be around, breathing, living, smiling, and holding me. It seems like yesterday we were shopping, though I was suppose to be in school. Do you remember when we saw my teacher at the store, right after school let out, and I was kinda freaking out, but you handled it so greatly. I was a fool then to let go of something--someone as good as you...and I've done it again. When will I ever learn Justin?

Theres some more personal stuff that I'd rather not post.

Bomb in Russia...

I'm sure all of you have heard by now of the train bombing in Russia. It was "an act of terror" and thats the truth.

Moscow, Russia (CNN) -- Investigators have found "elements of an explosive device" at the site of the derailment of an express train in Russia and believe an act of terror caused the deadly incident.
The derailment killed at least 26 people and injured about 100, but there was no immediate word on who or what group might have been behind the action.
"One can say with certainty that that was indeed an act of terror," Vladimir Markin, spokesman for the investigative committee of the Russian prosecutor's office, told CNN.
He would not elaborate on exactly what kind of "elements of an explosive device" the investigators discovered earlier, but said the crater found beneath the railroad bed was "1.5 meter by 1 meter in size."
Later Saturday morning, a second device went off on nearby tracks going the opposite direction, Vladimir Yakunin, head of Russian Railways, told Russian TV. He said no one was injured in the smaller explosion.
Markin said investigators are "studying the site of the accident, questioning the witnesses and conducting all kinds of forensic and technical examinations."
Federal Security Service Director Alexander Bortnikov said, "Criminology experts have come to a preliminary conclusion that there was an explosion of an improvised explosive device equivalent to seven kilos of TNT.
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"Several leads are being pursued now. A criminal case has been opened under Article 205 ("terrorism") and Article 22 ("illegal possession or storage of weapons or explosives") of the Russian Criminal Code."
Russian Interior Minister Rashid Nurgaliyev said on TV that there are possible suspects in this crime.
"There are several people who could be involved in this crime," he said. One of them, he said, is a "stocky-built man of about 40 years old, with red hair."
"There are some traces left at the crime scene which could help in the investigation," he said. "We are getting a lot of information now, and I am very thankful for people who have responded to our requests to render their assistance in investigating this crime."
A total of 681 people -- 20 of them employees -- were on the Nevsky Express as it traveled from Moscow to St. Petersburg on Friday night. The Nevsky Express is Russia's fastest train, equivalent to a bullet train.
The crash happened at 9:25 p.m. (1825 GMT) when the train was 280 kilometers (174 miles) from St. Petersburg, Russian state radio said.
At least three carriages carrying more than 130 people derailed and turned on their sides, and emergency workers were working to free anyone who may still be trapped inside.
Yakunin told Russian TV that the company will pay a compensation of 500,000 rubles ($17,240) to the victims' families and 200,000 rubles ($6,897) to those injured.
The crash happened 44 minutes after another high-speed train, the Sapsan, had successfully traveled from Moscow to St. Petersburg on the same rails, a representative of the Russian Transport Police said during a video conference call Saturday.
In August 2007, an explosion on the tracks derailed the Nevsky Express, injuring 60 people in what authorities called a terrorist act. About 27,000 passengers on 60 trains were facing delays Saturday as a result of the accident, Russian State TV reported.

--http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/11/28/russia.train.crash/index.html

Thats sad and wrong. When will humans get over killing?

Whoever did this gets a big fuck-u award.