DON'T GET ON THE TRACKS!!!

If you can't stop a train, and you can't outrun it, what do you do? Its a simple question. Some might say JUMP OFF THE DAMN TRACKS! Now...what if your on a bridge? Forty foot cliffs on both sides of you. What do you do? Well...theres nothing to do. Die, just, die. Bleak isn't it? Theres no chance of being saved, is there? Isn't that a great analog for life? No matter what you do you die. Do you jump half way threw? Do you let it run you over?

Take that how you will.

Also; Life is great on my end of the screen. ^_^

Waves...

The waves break gently
They roll over sand and coral.
They break over one another
For fear of death they never live!

When I look

When I look to the sky
I know you're there
Holding me
So many days have passed
So many tears.

When I look to the sea
I see the rolling waves,
Like a turbulent life
They shatter one another
And destroy the sand.

When I look to your eyes
I see nothing but joy
I see the future
I do not see pain
I see love
I love you.

1 John 3:18

First of all: Merry Christmas

Now its time to look at an unrelated bible scripture...

1 John 3:18: Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Isn't that the truth? This is not just meant for children, but also for adults. I've been lied to before, and let me tell you what, nothing hurts worse then when someone tells you they love you, and then when it comes down to it, doesn't really. I mean, ACTUALLY believing that they love you, and that you love them. Well, I hate to be the downer who says this, but love? There isn't love. Why do I need to trust my heart in the hands of someone who lies to me, who themselves they have fooled into thinking they truly care, but don't when it comes down to it. It breaks my heart when I see this happening...because I've been there. Every day there seems to be less and less good about humanity, more and more bad. It really makes me sad seeing it like this. How people can just be morons...just be...idiots! True love. Two words that you think you know sometimes...but you don't really. Anyone can say "I love you." but I ask you to show me one person who is willing to show it when it comes down to it. Maybe there are people who are in "true love", but I'm yet to see anyone who really gives a damn in my generation! How can we ignore the signs? We are not our parents, for they truly love each other, we are our parents parents who married off not due to love, but due to there parents! Sometimes I feel sick at todays teenagers. They who know not love when children will surly not know love when they are adults. Yes, I'm blaming this on your parents. I don't know, I only know a small number of the teenage population, but they don't care about love. They don't care about each other. When my sister was dating Levi I was sure, and still am, that if it came down to it, he'd rather have a fuck doll then save Haley's life. How can people lie threw there teeth!? You don't love him, you don't love her! You don't know what love is!!!!! Knowing what love is changes you so much. You know what friendship is, you know what kinship is, and you know what love is. Some will say love is an emotion, which is true. Others will say love is a word, which is also true, but love? Love isn't a word or a feeling. Love is something you do. Love is more like riding a bike then it is writing a letter. I sit here writing in a moment of clarity and pain. I might have lost someone I love. Love. I know what it is. I've let it slip threw my fingers...but I'm sure soon that I'll find someone new, and forget all about him...or maybe not. Maybe no one really knows what love is, maybe the universe controls love. You're going to be put with who you are anyway you stack it. Maybe you'll date this person, and then they'll leave you or vice versa. But if you truly love them, don't give up. Never forget. Never forget the feelings they made you have, never forget how amazing people can be. Life...I've lost faith in it once in a while, but other times, its so beautiful, if you just slow down and look around. Now as I write this, my eyes are wet with tears. My heart is flooded with sorrow and pain...and a strange since of happiness. What a mix of emotions, don't you think? Its 3:03 Christmas morning, my family is snug in there beds, they don't know my pain and sorrow. Tomorrow is just another Christmas to them, as another year passes by. 2009 has been so amazing, huh? I've grown up so much this year...I've found who I am. I've came to grips with liking guys, My grandparents have found out, my mother was put in jail in 2008, and it was the first time i saw her in over a year. I've met someone I equate to my Tiger Woods, he's a great friend...just is doing everything with a hole...and if it doesn't have one, he makes one. I've gotten a crush on people, been in love triangles, been single, lost friends, gained friends, became much more daring...just so many things.

¹⁴ if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14, New King James Version)

I had to post that...

What a past few weeks...or should I say past Fall...it has been hell. Justin died, I got into a love triangle, broke up with one of the sides of it, and then was broken up with by the other, who lied, by saying he didn't want a Long distance relationship, and then getting into one. But its fine, now. I got back together with the person I broke up with. I had a short relationship with someone--Who also shall remained nameless--who said he was just using me. Which I'm so thankful that he didn't lie. I came out--or was pushed out of the closet. Found out lots of things about friends...some of which made me cry. Been in a few tight places-some of which I am still in, but, there being worked out and I don't wanna say yet. Just between a rock and a hard, hard spot. Though its been crushing me...in an odd way. I'm happy...ish. Ah, ish, such a word. Ish. Kind of. Happyish. I've never been happier, to tell the truth. I've been writing non-depressing things. I mean, they've not all been super-duper happy, but better then before. Hell, lots better then before. I was able to see my mom for the first time in a year or so...and I cried that night...it was so great to see her, and hug her. I pray that this is the last time she does anything like this. Friends have had some problems but over all they've been worked out. Some are dealing with them, others aren't. I'm always there for them, though. Ah, I love ranting on this blog. Speaking of ranting, I'm going to rant about TWC soon.

Or now.

Really? REALLY WEATHER CHANNEL? Storm Stories I could understand. But movies? Al Roker? Covering a murder? Whats next, I mean, like, what? Live audiences? I was pissed when you moved A&B to the morning. I let it go without a blog post. But Al Roker!? MURDERS!? You guys use to make weather FUN, not weather marketable. Now? Now I wish I could find my remote when WUWA (No, I DO NOT WUWA) comes on, or for that fact, MANY titles. I hate to say it, but Accuweather is being more weather-like then you are. There, I said it. ACCU-WE FAIL MOST OF THE TIME-WEATHER is better then The (only concerned with money now) weather corporation!

Okay. Now that thats out.

A letter to my ex mate, Justin, who I've posted many times about before...

I looked up into the air today, and took in the clouds like you always wanted me to. Its been a while from when you last said I'll love you forever. I guess it was all for the best. I told myself that by this time I'd have moved on, but alas, I haven't. People say two males CANNOT love one another, even though I've poured my life out again. I'm sorry I hurt you hun. I really am. What was I thinking? If it weren't for me you'd still be around, breathing, living, smiling, and holding me. It seems like yesterday we were shopping, though I was suppose to be in school. Do you remember when we saw my teacher at the store, right after school let out, and I was kinda freaking out, but you handled it so greatly. I was a fool then to let go of something--someone as good as you...and I've done it again. When will I ever learn Justin?

Theres some more personal stuff that I'd rather not post.